


Heart to a Falling Star

by ChloeMagea



Series: The woe of Loki Laufeyson and Sjöfn Heimdalldóttir [3]
Category: Loki-Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Clone Sex, F/M, Jötunn Loki, Nightmares, Post dramatic stress, Sexual nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeMagea/pseuds/ChloeMagea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sjöfn’s grief for the loss of Loki is searing, no one can comfort her. Thor tries to help his friend and possibly makes her weak mind even worse off. </p><p>Part 3 of:The woe of Loki Laufeyson and Sjöfn Heimdalldóttir series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 Her grief was stifling she felt like she was suffocated, feeling like his hand was over her mouth and nose dragging her down with him. She couldn’t get him out of her head, feeling his teeth at her ear and his nimble fingers on her heart. She only wanted to love but didn’t understand how dark love could be when lost. She wasn’t yet to the point of in being anger, there was only the wet sorrow that lingered in his wake.  She had tried to figure out a method of his motivations, but there was only obscure emptiness that lingered around the memory of the man named Loki.

Thor had been the one to tell her, sitting on the edge of her bed when she awoken confused and wary at his sudden return to Asgard. She had been so convinced that she has dreamt up what she saw in the hallway. Her own mother having to leave the bedside, not wanting to see her only daughter in anguish when she heard that he was gone. When those words left Thor’s lips Sjöfn wouldn’t believe it, shaking her head and trembling. He had died a coward’s death, willing to end his existence because of his disgrace. Sjöfn would not be comforted, exiling her self from everyone and everything. Demanding to be left alone, not even wanting her mother or her chambermaid in her company. For days on end she cried, her tears staining the silken pillow that she didn’t move from. Whining his name over and over as if the chant would raise him from the dead and return him to her side.  The only way she could escape was when she held the crystal that he had gifted her, the magic of it calming her enough for sleep but even then she dreamt of him and fanaticized still.

* * *

 

_His fingers intertwining in her curls and then yanking her head back and exposing her thin neck to his lips. Baring his teeth, he bit her down the curve of her neckline, not breaking the skin but leaving indents in her flesh from his teeth and a sweet pinching pain. She whined, the sound he loved hearing from her, it was the sound that spoke of an arousal she was trying to hold back from. Feeling dirty by getting turned on by such dark devious things. She felt another pair of hands behind her, being the identical illusion that he summoned. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head at the feeling of two pairs of hands touching her greedily. Her dress was ripped from her body, falling in to a heap of ruined fabric at her feet. Loki, the real one reached his hand down to in-between her legs and thumbed her clit, while his illusion spitted his hand under her and in-between her legs and slicked his fingers along her lips testing her wetness finding that she was more then ready to receive them, smirking against her neck as he plunged his fingers in to her._

_“You like that?” The real Loki purred in her ear still rubbing her clit._

_“Ye…yes.” She whimpered feeling her body shutter, as she grew close._

_“You’ll never have me again.” He whispered breaking her heart when she realized this was nothing more then a sexual nightmare, tears pooling in her eyes at the fact. She would have sobbed but she felt his clone remove his fingers from her pulsing cunt and slicked his hands to her backside, catching her off guard and causing her to jump. Her reaction causing chuckles from the both of them._

_“No…not there.” She whined trying to jump away but held in place by the real Loki’s free hand on her waist._

_“Why? I’ve claimed every other part of you.” Loki said with a smirk as the illusion slipped his finger inside. Sjöfn cried out and felt her face grow hot with embarrassment, as one finger became two and then three. She winched at how uncomfortable it was. She felt a hand push up on her thigh, one form each of them lifting her up and holding her legs open. Loki used his other hand to slide his member in to her dripping pussy. The feeling of his cock and his clones fingers was too much, she felt stuffed, filled to the brim. She felt the fingers slide out of her, slick back some of the wetness to her ass._

_“No, it will be too much!” She cried feeling the other slowly slide his cock into her extremely tight hole. Both of the Loki’s hissed and breathed hard, she couldn’t think, feeling them thrust into her in opposite paces._

_“So fucking tight.” The illusion breathed into her ear. Loki smirked as he saw her expression, her eyes rolled in the back of her head, her mouth half way open as she made incoherent sounds of pleasure._

_“You love this, you love being used like this…” Loki moaned, feeling her clinch around his member, she was close. The pace of him and his illusion quickened, harder, and faster they pounded into her._

_“I can’t…it’s too much!” She cried, the sensations of pleasure made her feel like she drowning, trying desperately not to lose her mind. She was too far-gone, feeling salvia drip from her lips as she shuddered and closed her eyes tightly. It felt so good she thought she would surly die._

_“Beg.” They both ordered, slowing down their assault and pulling her off of the edge of climax._

_“Please! Please! Please!” She choked out tears falling from her eyes from the burning need she had._

_“You wish to come?” Loki asked, biting her shoulder causing her to yelp with pain and pleasure._

_“Yes! Please let me come, I beg of you I’ll die if I don’t!” She pleaded, she felt them speed up. “Yes….ah…..gods…yes….” She sobbed taken over by the sensation of them both giving her what she wanted, becoming consumed by the fires of Helheim. She would sale her soul to Hel the Goddess of Death her self to feel that sensation of all eternity. She came hard with his name being drawn from her lips over and over. The illusion came first, clinching his jaw and spilling him self into her.  The clone vanished after finishing, leaving only her and the real Loki._

_“Look at me.” He ordered and she did to see his_ _Jötunn self-looking back at her, she would have screamed in fear if it weren’t for him quickly releasing her. Her naked body hitting the floor only to have him on top of her in an instant yanking her legs open and sliding effortlessly back into her and putting his hand around her neck. Cutting off her air enough where she couldn’t speak but could still draw short quivering breaths. “Look at me!” He ordered again gripping tighter until she did. “This is what you loved!” He hissed slamming into her._

_“No…” She sobbed._

_“Oh yes, my pet.” He moaned. “It sickens you so.” Sjöfn sobbed. “You loved a lie, you fucked a lie.” His words burring her heart, he tensed up throwing his head back and cumming into her, his seed was cold numbing her walls as it seeped out of her and to the floor. He disappeared into smoke, leaving her there with nothing but shame._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She gave her heart to a falling star  
> When news filtered through of his tragedy all the walls went up  
> Around a world she declines  
> As the tears from her eyes fall  
> No one understands, and no one will  
> All she has lost
> 
> If he's not here, then where?  
> If he's not here, then where?  
> If he's not here then where?  
> If he's not here then where?
> 
> When she found it there in the cold, blue glare  
> The words distressed and unfamiliar where the feelings seared
> 
> An emptiness had hung, and in her chest, she clenched  
> Reality settled as the memories raced while on the screen he lived
> 
> She teared; "Your selfishness has robbed you of the man you could've been  
> I wouldn't change a thing about you. I love you dearly, my friend"
> 
> If he's not here then where?  
> If he's not here then where?
> 
> My love, Been searching for my Afterman
> 
> If he's not here then where?  
> If he's not here then where?
> 
> My love, Been searching for my Afterman
> 
> -Coheed and Cambria


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caged  
> Locked in perpetual motion  
> Carving our wounds wide open  
> But you let the wrong one in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sad chapter, no smut.

Thor glanced up at the empty chair next Snotra, Sjöfn’s mother. She noticed Thor’s expression and shook her head slowly. Everyone was enjoying themselves at one of the many gatherings the court held. But the maiden was missing, she would have been there, laughing, drinking and dancing but after Loki’s fall, she had rarely seen anymore. Thor heard whispers from the other maidens that she would wander the halls at night a shell of herself, not looking up only engulfed in her woe. Thor felt that the upbeat atmosphere was out of place and felt him self-grow uncomfortable at the laughs from the others. He excused himself to go clear his mind.  Thor walked the halls letting out a sigh and rubbing his face, he stopped when he saw her standing on one of the many balconies that overlooked Asgard. She wasn’t dressed in her usual light colors, of whites or yellows but instead was draped in gray. The gloomy color was out of place for on her.  He knew that she more than likely heard him behind her but she made no motion to see who it was, keeping her eyes on the sky.

“Sjöfn,” Thor said slowly, sleeping besides her.

“Thor.” She simply answered back looking over at him, she looked worn out still beautiful but a shade of her former perfection. They didn’t speak for a moment, Thor looked down at the ring still on her finger. “Do you miss her?” She asked not looking at him.

“Jane…yes. I promised her I would return.” Thor uttered looking at his friend; he couldn’t help but think of her as a wounded dove.

“You have the chance of hope.” She spoke softly, a small sad smile appearing in the corners of her lips. He couldn’t stand seeing her so miserable, he could still see the light she once had still there but it was faded, most of her joy had been snatched away.

“Sjöfn, my friend.” He said taking her by her narrow shoulders and looking at her. “Please, come back. You’re not yourself and I can not bare to watch you wither away because of what _he_ has done.”  She said nothing to him, looking him in his blue eyes. “You’re hurting, I am too but you can not stop living because he draws breath no longer,” Thor whispered to her. “Your mother and father are worried about you, Loki wouldn’t want you to…” His words were cut short by a bitter snicker that came from her.

“Loki does not want anything… he’s dead.” She spoke. “I would give any amount of gold to not see him behind my eyelids when I go to sleep or hear his voice in my ear.” She confessed Thor wrinkled his brow at her words. “All I can think about is the last time I saw him…in the hall…when I saw what he really was.” Her eyes jarred back and forth slightly as she recalled the memory.  “I screamed out of fear…. that was our last exchange…” She uttered tears falling from her golden eyes and down her cheek. “He died thinking that I was horrified of him…” Her sorrow deep like a bottomless pit, like a labyrinth of confused thoughts, guilt, memories and worries. Sjöfn reached her hands up and touched his face, gazing into his eyes. Her touch was soft with her delicate hands. Sjöfn was small for a woman of Asgard, her touch reminded him of Jane’s.

“You know my sorrow…” She breathed. “You’ve lost him and the one you loved.” She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him, slightly her lips ghosting across of his. To her he wasn’t Thor, her friend; he was simply someone who could remove the thought of Loki from her mind. Both of them wanted to ease their misery for their losses the idea of finding some semblance of peace in someone that understood the pain that was deep and aching. Thor was surprised in his own actions, kissing her back parting her honey lips with his tongue. To Thor, the person he was kissing was not Sjöfn but was the mortal that he had left behind, and to her, he was his brother, with raven hair and green eyes. Suddenly Sjöfn was pulled back to her senses and yanked away from him. Her eyes wide as she covered her mouth and shook her head.  He looked back at her expression; she was horrified at her actions.

“Oh, God, Thor…I’m so sorry.” She choked out feeling tears run down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…” Thor tried to apologize, knowing he reciprocated the kiss. She put her hands on her head grabbing two handfuls of her curls.

“I’m--I’m insane--”She sobbed before turning to leave in humiliation for her actions.

 

* * *

 

Her hands touched the golden elaborate door and pushed it open, stepping into the room and allowing the doors to close slowly behind her, leaving the dim light of his once chambers to her. Sjöfn inhaled deeply the smell in the air, of the room that hadn’t been opened since his death. His scent still lingered in the space, Sjöfn took a step deeper into his room, eyes falling on the pillar where they kissed for the first time. She wandered in; her eyes wet with tears dazed and overcome, not herself anymore. Sjöfn felt such disgust for kissing Thor, her gut twisted and churned as she thought about her actions. How could she do such a thing?

She came to his desk skimming her finger along the edge of it. She picked up a red leather bound book, running her hand along the smooth spine. She placed the book down softly, her eyes coming to a glimmering golden dagger, lifting it and admiring the craftsmanship, and the green stone in the handle.

Sjöfn strolled calmly over to his bed, recalling the many nights she spent there. Remembering how it felt to feel him on top of her in the green silken sheets, skin against skin. Their lips locking as their bodies intertwined, his chuckle while her light kisses ran the length of his jaw.  Her tears were not accompanied by sobs, now dripping from her emotionless face as she laid down closing her eyes for a moment, lifting the dagger to her wrist and sliding it across her flesh. Feeling the warm liquid seep and flow from the gash, and doing the same to her other arm. She wished only for a moment’s peace, wishing to be free of her pain.  Spilling the sorrow filled poison from her veins and leaking it onto the bed and floor. The dagger slipping from her hand and tinking, off of the marble floor, the sound echoing through the room. The metallic smell of her blood hung thick in the air. She was unsure if it was just a hallucination by her blood loss but she heard something at the door.

“Please, she whispered under her breath,  “Please let me bleed out…so I can have peace.” Knowing the sounds weren’t in her mind as she hoped, hearing the heavy boots of the guards. She felt two pairs of hands yank her from the bed, hearing them yell and tried to feverously stop the seeping blood.  She begged for them to let her die, to let her pass away into the ether but that wasn’t their place nor call to make.  Sjöfn wept when she realized that she would live, and have to face her ruin and cowardice. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long. Sorry.

They weren’t able to stop the ragged scarring that the gashes caused and her life was only saved because one of the guards had noticed that the door to the late prince’s chambers was slightly open, and went to investigate. When she was pulled from the bed, she was in and out of consciousness, muttering incoherently, reaching her hands out to something or someone that wasn’t there. The guards picked her up, one carrying the dying woman in his armored arms and he other running along side of him holding Sjöfn’s weak arms up, trying to stop the blood from spilling out of the slits.

* * *

Her mother sat by her side holding her daughters hand looking down at the bandages that covered each wrist, out of place on her tragically beautiful slumbering form. Looking at her child’s greyish color from all of the blood she loss.

“How is she?” Snotra heard from the doorway.

“My lady.” She said getting up and bowing slightly at the Queen, Frigga put her hand up and hook her head at her lady in waiting.

“Please, no need to bow. Not now.” Frigga spoke softly walking over to the other side of the bed. Snotra sat back down and touched her daughter, stroking her hand and sniffling. “Did we not teach our children anything?” Frigga asked sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the woman who she had known since she was nothing but a little one who played with her own sons. Frigga had known that Loki and Sjöfn would be together in someway; if it only be a night or marriage they were like moths to a flame to each other. Her son had been an unpleasant little boy to the wide-eyed girl, teasing her but feeling bad once she cried. His attraction to her had obvious although he tried his best to hide it. Frigga had watched their bond transformation as they got older, the way Sjöfn ignored all other men but let her eyes wonder to Loki, exchanging glances with a playful smile.  Their lure to each other became most appetent during Fastelavn festival the year that both of them emerged from adolescence and the outline of the adults they would be became visible. She had seen her sons face when she emerged dressed up as  the human interpretation of a Valkyrie, dressed in white with wings, her beauty stunning. Loki didn’t dress up for the festival saying that it was ‘childish and silly’ but no one who saw it could deny the look her gave her. To watch their relationship come to this was heart wrenching. “Our young ones have lost their way.” She whispered.

“I have raised a fool nothing more than a beautiful fool.” Snotra sobbed.

“No, you’ve raised a lover.” The Queen said. “She didn’t want to die.”

“My Queen?” Her mother questioned. “If not then why would she slice herself open on his bed?” She asked.

“If she truly wanted to die, I think she would have done it. Inside of this.” The Queen touched Sjöfn’s arm. “The lady that we know and love is still in there, you as her mother have to help her find her way back.”

* * *

 

During her time in sleep and darkness Sjöfn had dreamt, but this dream wasn’t like the others she had been having. It was dark and hard to make out, there were stairs of some kind, radiating chilling  blue light. Leading up to what seemed like and alter with the same blue lights in the darkness. Someone dressed in black robes passed a staff off to another man; she recognized the clothing of one of them, leather and green fabric. She didn’t see their faces or voices, but she saw an army of beings that she had never seen before in her life. Monstrous things from nightmares, the sound they were all making at once was a screeching battle cry, like a swarm locust. The dream made her uncomfortable but she had no reason to believe it was reality. She had many nightmares but this one was crystal clear as if happening right in front of her eyes. Sjöfn didn’t dare speak on the images she saw behind her lids. Not wanting to give anyone more reasons to think she was insane right after her botched suicide attempt.

* * *

 

It took a good while but Sjöfn was slowly coming out of her depression. She had come away with her brush from the cold kiss of death with knowledge. Even though she was becoming her old self again, she no longer was the painfully naïve woman that she had been. She knew life and death, that knowledge made her understanding of love even grater. It wasn’t simply lying in a garden, filled with flowers and baby’s-breath, kisses and soft whispers, love could be dark, mentally caging and obsessive and even fit some were in-between those two extremes.  Even though she no longer wished for death she still grieved for him, and knew she would for all time but now she could at least let him go, coming to terms with his demise.

Sjöfn knew that she had to find something to occupy her self with, once she was simply a patron of the arts, she still enjoyed music and art but that alone gave her too much time to think and when she wasn’t focused her mind would wonder back to him. She had crawled her self the pit of sorrow she had been engulfed in and wouldn’t allow it to consume her again. Much to the surprise of every one the maiden had taken up combat to keep her thoughts far away from the events of the past year. Sjöfn pulled back on the golden arrow, and closed one eye as she looked at the target, posing her self and released it. She tightened her lip at the almost bull’s eye and let out a huff, holding the beautiful golden bow that had carving of flowers and sweeping details. She pulled up her long gloves feeling them slump down, not wanting to expose her scars. Sjöfn had been a natural with a bow, she had tried to practice with swords and axes but she found them too cumbersome for her delicate hands. She looked over to see a handsome Asgardian man looking back at her, with a smile.

“Nice aim, my lady.” He said. Sjöfn raised her eyebrow coyly.

“Thank you, “ She said going to approach him but she heard her name called behind her.

“Lady Sjöfn, the queen has summoned for you.” The guard spoke pulling her attention from the handsome young man. She glanced back over to him and chucked as he winked at her before turning and heading back in to the palace.

“The queen really wants to speak with me?” Sjöfn asked unstrapping her arrow holder from across her chest and removing it.

“Yes, ma’am.” Sjöfn scuffed wondering what the queen would want with her. They stopped at one of the many doors of the palace, the queen’s lounge where she spent most of her time with her ladies in waiting. Sjöfn handed over her bow and arrows the guard and walked in.  Bowing when she saw Queen Frigga sitting alone on one of the white couches, looking her usual elegant self.

“My queen? You sent for me.” She said.

“Yes, please come sit.” Frigga motioned to the couch across from her. Sjöfn walked over and warily took a seat; she knew something was going on. Frigga didn’t speak for a moment. Taking Sjöfn’s hands in hears.

“My Queen, what worries you?” She asked, feeling more and more nervous the longer the silence went on., the queen nor king summon people for no reason. Frigga took a moment and let out a sigh. “They don’t want me to tell you but I can’t keep it from you.” She huffed.

“Who doesn’t want to tell me what? My Lady?” Sjöfn asked feeling nervous.

“Your father and mother would like to keep you in the dark about this for good reason but you have a right to know….” Sjöfn wrinkled her brow at the queen’s words. “Loki is alive.”  As soon as Frigga spoke those three words Sjöfn felt as if she had just been smashed in the chest with Mjölnir, feeling like the wind was knocked right out of her. Her mouth hung open and her brain struggled to understand those words. If this had been anyone else, she would have thought this as a sick prank but not his own mother, she wouldn’t lie, not about this.

“What?” She asked the word took everything to produce in her shock. She asked. Frigga looked down and let out a small sigh.

“I saw him, it was dark on a world I didn’t know.” The Queen said, Sjöfn looked at her. “There was someone else there, I don’t know who but I saw him hand Loki a-“

“A staff?” Sjöfn interrupted, The Queen quickly looked up.

“How did you know?” She asked gripping Sjöfn’s hands tighter.

“I saw when I was out after I tried to take my life I thought it was a dream…oh my gods.” She shuttered putting her head in her hands. _How_ was this possible?

* * *

She felt physically ill, but fought through it and made her way to The Rainbow Bridge. Seeing her father standing at the very edge, of the splintered bride where the Bifrost was. It was being rebuilt but was no were near completion.

“Father!” She called to his stoic from. He didn’t turn around waiting to address her until she was by his side.

“My child.” He spoke calmly.

“You didn’t want me to know?” She asked trembling with low anger. He didn’t say anything the only reaction to her words was the narrowing of his eyes as he contained to look in to the void. “No of course not, the queen had to tell me. How long have all of you known?” She hissed shaking her head.

“I was trying to protect you from him,” He confessed, glancing over at her.

“By lying to me? I’m not a child. I would find out sooner or later and my own parents didn’t tell me. You didn’t want to tell me that the man I _love_ was still alive.” Heimdall was sickened that she said love, not loved though he said nothing. “Show me.” His daughter demanded. Heimdell looked over at her and shook his head.

“No,” Sjöfn knew that her bond as his child and sharing his unique eyes meant he could momently filter his site though her, allowing her to see what he saw but only a fraction of it. He told her he would never subject her to it all of that knowledge could destroy the mind.

“Show me! I deserve to see him!” She yelled tears running down her face. Heimdell couldn’t stand the sound of his daughter crying, he couldn’t listen to her pain.

“It’s dangerous.” He said shaking his head.

“One moment. One. I need to see for my self. Please father….” She begged falling to her knees like a child, grabbing his leg and wailing. "One! One moment! Please!" Her voice cracking with sorrow . Heimdell dropped his sword and pulled her back to her feet, not wanting to see her so pathetic in front of him. He turned her around making her face the void, putting his hands on either side of her head.

“One second, no more.” Before she could agree she felt as if her consciousness would be ripped apart, her body shutting, jarring at all of the senses flooding it, she thought she would die before she even got to see him. Her mouth falling open eyes wide and growing dry from lack of moisture, she felt something warm run from her noise smelling the thick scent of her own blood as her body was being overloaded with such infinite detail. Just as she was about to scream, not able to take anymore she saw the blue rock, Earth. Zooming in quickly focusing, she saw a man who was facing away, holding the same staff that she saw in her dreams. He was walking, but stopped and turned as if feeling being watched. It was he, but he was different, sunken eye with dark circles around them, his skin was washed-out, his lips pale. He looked manic, and insane. His eyes shuttered and looked up, looking right at her as if he knew she was watching a grin coming to his lips. Her body couldn’t take anymore feeling her father remove his hands from her head, she felt drained of every, thing leaning boneless towards the broken edge of the bridge, the only thing stopping her from falling to the void was her father’s grasp. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this part of the series, the next one will lots of Loki. Wee!


End file.
